I do talk to my single friends about their lack of strategy on husband hunting and though I should put on writing. I want to mention that I’m not the most attractive of my friends and acquaintances, far from that, but I’m not the most ugly either I consider myself a pretty average Beta female so this advice is not done out any advantages I could have on the dating market except that I’m a stubborn girl and I really don’t give up on my goals. But aside from that I don’t think managing to get my dream of marriage and children is so hard to obtain for the majority of women out there that want it.
So let’s start with what I see my peers do wrong.
1- You are in love with the fantasy.
Don’t get me wrong I’m romance reader and writer and I consider myself very idealistic. Before I meet my hubby my dream way to meet the future father of my children was in a science conference: a nice college teacher of Japanese origin (I love Otakus… don’t judge me!) will come to my country to give a Physics (sometimes it was climatology depending how bad the hurricane season was) conference. I will intrigue him with my questions, he will find me attractive and we could meet for a cappuccino with brownie (I love those two together) talk more about the issue and from them on love, marriage, babies in a carriage…
But then years passed and that didn’t happened. I managed to move on from that, thank goodness. Before that I was really against long distance relationships and online dating sites but with time… and desperation I learned to try new approaches to the issue and see how it went and half a dozen dating sites later it worked!
There is not right or wrong way to meet people, there is only the meeting the right people and you need to find them anywhere you can.
Caution on bars and Craiglist of course.
2- Your social circle is too small and old.
Dating is a numbers game and is more competitive now than ever was. You compete with every female in your vicinity after 18, divorced, some of the married ones (if the growing numbers of cheating women are to be believed) and of course single like you are, is a battlefield out there. If you have the same friends for a considerable amount of years you probably have exhausted all their acquaintances, coworkers,brothers, cousins….so there is no one single at the moment you could date or the ones that are single are already “discarded” for whatever reason. Make a habit of trying to make a new friend regularly or/and join classes and groups. Meet-up is very good for meeting people and networking and your local mall surely have may activities, like knitting groups, exercise boot camps and so on. Try to pick mixed groups and try to use your herd knowledge to pick good reliable friends.
You need to expand your social circle
3- No one knows you want to meet people with romantic intentions.
Most people, specially women don’t like to admit they are lonely and then your friends are very hard pressed to ask out of fear of being uncomfortable. But this is not an effective strategy. Try to change the see it in another angle. Imagine that you are unemployed and looking would you say to your friends “I don’t need a job, I just want to focus on myself right now” How does that sound? Not good, right? You don’t need to cry in front of them but something simple like. “I’m actually trying to meet a nice man for a serious relationship,so feel free to nudge me in the right direction” Should suffice. Also if you have a friend that has been single for a while do me a favor and ask her “So you are not interested on dating?” before she ends up looking for men in Craiglist and accepting a date from the jerk next door because cute shy guy on the gym doesn’t make a move.Its also a good way for her to ask you the same.
There is no shame on wanting to date and get married
4- You are afraid
Of course you are, dating is scary we expose yourself to other’s people characters and judgement they could decide to make you feel like crap, ugly, undesirable and all your insecurities accumulated all your life will come back to torture you. Who wants to deal with that? No one, but is a necessary part of the process and not doing something out of fear only works if you are avoiding swimming with piranhas. Chances are the other person is as scared as you are so why not try and see if you can make both of you have a nice time. If the guy is not your type at the very least thank him for is time and walk away, if the guy doesn’t dig you he will let you know fast, I promise that you would had learned something and it will be one person less to date, that is progress always.
Fear is a normal part of dating, but no reason to no date
5-You sabotage yourself
Most of my friends don’t realize that they are crashing and burning out of their own behaviour. They tag along with a girl that screws them all the time, like that hot friend of yours who all the men you are interested in end up taking numbers and home. You don’t try and follow up with the cute guy that always ask you about your day at the bakery, you avoid parties and meetings, you stay at home too much, you don’t become a regular of any place, you don’t take care of yourself, don’t act polite and friendly, you have been using the same unflattering haircut for ages, your body language is sending the wrong signals, or you cannot flirt if your life depending on it…The list is limitless this one is one of the times when you need a trusted friend that can tell you in your face what are you doing wrong, you should have some big mouth friends or relatives that can tell you the truth seek them out. If necessary recruit a professional. The first sessions of therapy are usually covered for most insurances so someone that can tell you about your issues can help you almost immediately.And before you say only crazy people go to therapy I had been in the couch many times just to have a perspective to improve myself it works really well. For physical issues you can do it yourself there is a lot of resources about haircuts and wardrobe that can flatter you, you can take make up classes or if you are lazy and/or have the money go to a professional stylist of course do some research some of this professional are just dying to try the new ridiculous fashion on unsuspecting victims. Go for one that actually want you to look good on your own and tell him that you want something you can fix at home too.
You could be a great wife/partner but if your marketing is failing no one is going to know, check it out
Second part, soon!